Thoughts & Rants of a Behavior Scientist
In the Thoughts & Rants of a Behavior Scientist Show, Dr. Paul “Paulie” Gavoni looks at common issues or phenomena in our personal and professional lives, gives you his thoughts, sometimes rants about it, and provides you with practical solutions rooted in the science of human behavior.
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Thoughts & Rants of a Behavior Scientist
Building a Culture of Kindness: Strategies to Combat Bullying
In this episode, I’m tackling a topic that’s incredibly close to my heart: "Breaking the Cycle: A Behavior-Based Approach to Bullying Prevention." Growing up, I experienced just a small amount of bullying—so few incidents I could probably count them on one hand—but the impact was profound. It shaped me in ways I didn’t fully understand until later. For some kids, though, this isn’t a rare occurrence; it’s a daily struggle. Their courage to show up every day is remarkable.
Addressing bullying requires a comprehensive, multi-pronged approach. This episode dives into strategies that cover all fronts: supporting those being bullied, challenging those who bully, empowering bystanders, and equipping educators with practical tools to create safer environments. And as I wrapped up this content, I realized these insights don’t just apply to kids—they’re incredibly relevant for adults facing challenges in the workplace, too.
I’ve made this content available across different platforms because it needs to be heard and shared. You can find this episode in The Behavioral Toolbox Newsletter and on my YouTube Channel as well. Whether you’re using it to support a student, a classroom, a school assembly, or even distributing it across an entire district, the message remains the same—together, we can break the cycle.
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Hey everyone, I'm Dr Paul Gavone. Most people know me as Dr Pauly or Pauly Gloves. I'm a former Golden Gloves heavyweight champion of Florida and I've spent years training local, state, national and even world champions. But here's something you might not know A lot of those champions, including me, were bullied as kids.
Speaker 1:Bullying can happen to anyone physically, verbally or even online. Real confidence doesn't come from tearing others down. It comes from lifting people up and being secure in who you are. Over the years, I've learned some powerful lessons from boxing and mixed martial arts that go beyond the physical training. When you step onto the mats or into the ring, there's a code, a foundation of mutual respect that guides every interaction. Bullying isn't tolerated. Here's why People are taught to respect themselves and each other. Individuals learn to be assertive, to stand tall and protect themselves, not by hurting others, but by becoming stronger and more confident. Bullies, when placed in this environment, often change. They learn discipline, empathy and how to be better versions of themselves. Today I want to talk to four groups those being bullied, those doing the bullying, peers and bystanders, and the educators who see it happening in schools. Everyone here has a role to play and together we can make things better.
Speaker 1:First, I want to speak to those of you who are being bullied. I see you, I hear you and I know it hurts. The pain, the fear, the feeling of being isolated. That's something anyone should have to experience. But let me make one thing crystal clear being bullied is not your fault. It doesn't say anything at all about your worth or who you are as a person. It says far more about those who choose to hurt others. You are stronger than you realize. The fact that you're still standing, still showing up despite what you've been through, shows incredible courage. Here's what you can do and why it matters.
Speaker 1:Number one find safe people and places. Seek out people you trust a teacher, a counselor, a coach, a family member, a friend. Share what's happening. Why? Because you don't have to go through this alone. There are people who care deeply and want to support you. Speaking up isn't a sign of weakness. It's a sign of strength and self-respect. And no, it's not snitching. Asking for help is standing up for yourself and your right to be treated with respect.
Speaker 1:Number two document everything. Keep records of what's happening, whether it's verbal, physical or online bullying. Save text, take screenshots, write down incidents, dates and details. Why? Because when you document what's happening. You're protecting yourself. You're creating evidence that can help trusted adults step in and make things right.
Speaker 1:Number three practice assertive communication. When safe, stand tall, look the bully in the eye and use a firm voice to express how you feel. Statements like I don't appreciate being treated this way show that you respect yourself. Why, well, bullies often seek to control others through fear or intimidation. Responding calmly and assertively can take away some of their power. Research shows that assertiveness can also reduce the frequency of bullying, as bullies look for easier targets.
Speaker 1:Number four surround yourself with supportive people. Find people who uplift you, whether it's through sports clubs, music, art or shared interests. Build connections, why. Isolation makes bullying feel more intense. When you have a circle of supportive friends, it's harder for bullies to single you out, and you'll find strength in those connections. Research has shown that even one trusted peer or friend can significantly reduce the negative impact of bullying.
Speaker 1:Number five take care of your well-being. Focus on what brings you joy and strength. Exercise, practice hobbies, learn new skills and care for yourself physically and emotionally. Why Building resilience and finding activities that make you feel good remind you that life is more than pain caused by others. You are worth investing in yourself. Studies show that engaging in positive activities can boost self-esteem and build resilience.
Speaker 1:Number six know that you are not alone. You might feel like you're the only one facing this, but there are so many people, both peers and adults, who want to help. You don't have to hide your pain or carry it by yourself. Reaching out and sharing what you're experiencing can lighten the burden and open the door for change. Remember, many others have gone through this and come out stronger. Finally, number seven remember this doesn't define you. The hurtful words, the cruel actions. They don't determine who you are. You are strong, resilient and capable of so much more than what you are going through right now. The way others treat you says nothing about your worth. Keep going. You are so much more than their words, actions or threats. You matter. Your feelings, your experiences and your safety matters. There are people who care deeply about your well-being. Never forget that. Keep pushing forward, keep seeking support and know that you are worthy of respect and kindness, always.
Speaker 1:Now let me talk to those of you who are bullying others. I'm not here to make you feel guilty. I'm here to challenge you, to understand what's really going on and why it matters. You see, bullying doesn't just hurt in the moment. It can leave lasting scars that go far beyond today. It can impact how someone sees themselves, how they trust others, and even how they treat their own children. Years from now, the effects of bullying can ripple out, touching lives for years, even lifetimes. Think about this what if it were your mom, dad, sister, brother, friend or someone you deeply care about being bullied? How would that make you feel? Would you want them to carry that pain? The way we treat others creates ripples. You have the power to decide what kind of ripple you create One that brings more pain or one that helps lift others up? Be the person who makes a positive impact, not one that spreads hurt. Here's some things to think about.
Speaker 1:Number one self-reflection matters. Ask yourself why are you doing this? Are you trying to feel powerful? Are you angry, hurt, or maybe just looking for attention? Here's the thing. Bullying might give you a quick sense of control, but it doesn't fix what's really going on inside. It might distract you from your own struggles for a moment, but it doesn't make them go away. Here's an outcome check. What are you actually getting from this? Are you gaining the attention you want, or are people distancing themselves from you? Are you taking things from others, or is it creating more enemies than respect? Are you escaping being bullied yourself by hurting someone else? Think about it. These actions might seem like a way to gain power or safety, but in the end, they often leave you more isolated, misunderstood and distrusted.
Speaker 1:Number two build empathy. Take a moment and imagine what it would be like to be in the shoes of the person you're bullying. Think about how it would feel to face those words or actions every day. Why does this matter? Because understanding the pain you're causing doesn't make you weak. It makes you human. Empathy is a powerful tool that can help you connect with others and find better ways to express your emotions. Number three seek real support. If you're dealing with anger, frustration, fear or insecurity, talk to someone a counselor, a teacher or anyone you trust. Why? Because facing what's really bothering you takes guts and it can change your life for the better. It means you're brave enough to want something more for yourself and willing to put in the work to get there. Many who bully do so as a response to their own pain. There's help to break that cycle.
Speaker 1:Number four understand the long-term impact. The habits you're building now hurting others to feel powerful. Using aggression to solve problems can follow you into adulthood. These behaviors can lead to broken relationships, trouble at work and a reputation that's hard to shake, but it doesn't have to be this way. You have the power to change and build a future you can be proud of. And finally, number five, channel your energy positively. Instead of tearing others down, put your energy into building yourself up. Focus on a sport, an art form, music or a skill that makes you feel strong and proud. Why? Because real confidence and respect come from achieving something on your own, not from making others feel small. Research shows that engaging in positive, structured activities can reduce aggressive behaviors and increase self-esteem.
Speaker 1:You have a choice. You don't have to stay stuck in behaviors that hurt others and ultimately hurt yourself. Be better. Choose change, and I believe you can become the person you truly want to be. Now I want to talk to all of you who see bullying happening the bystanders, the friends, the classmates who might feel like it's none of your business. But here's the truth you have more power than you realize. The way you respond when you see bullying can either fuel it or stop it in its tracks.
Speaker 1:Bullies often thrive on attention, approval or the silence of those around them. When no one steps in, it sends a message that their behavior is acceptable or even entertaining. But you can change that. Here's what you need to know and what you can do. Number one understand why bullies do it. Bullies often act out of their own pain, insecurity, need for power or desire for attention. This doesn't make their behavior okay, but it helps explain why they do it. By understanding their motivations, you can see that their behavior is often a reflection of their struggles, not a sign of strength. Number two don't be a silent bystander. If you see bullying happening, don't look the other way. Silence can be taken as approval. Instead, you can speak up if it's safe to do so. A simple hey, that's not cool, or leave them alone can go a long way. Why? Because bullies often rely on the belief that no one will challenge them. When even one person stands up, it can shift the balance of power.
Speaker 1:Number three offer support to the target. After a bullying incident, reach out to the person who was targeted. Let them know they're not alone. A kind word, sitting with them at lunch or simply asking if they're okay can make a huge difference. Why Bullying thrives on isolation. Your support shows the person being bullied that they have allies, which can reduce the emotional impact of the bullying. 4. Avoid giving bullies the attention they want. Many bullies act out to gain an audience or to feel powerful. Laughing along, spreading gossip or even just watching can reinforce their behavior. Instead, walk away, change the subject or shift attention to something positive. Why, without an audience, bullying loses its power.
Speaker 1:Number five report what you see. If the situation feels too risky to intervene directly, go to a trusted adult a teacher, counselor or administrator and let them know what's happening. Reporting isn't about getting someone in trouble. It's about preventing harm and making your school a safer place. Why Adults can step in and address the situation in ways that may be harder for peers.
Speaker 1:Number six be a role model. Treat everyone with respect and kindness, even those who might be different from you. Create an environment where bullying behavior doesn't fit in. When you model positive behavior, others are more likely to follow. Why Peer influence is powerful. When you set a positive example, you encourage others to do the same. And finally, number seven form allies and stand together. If you see bullying happening regularly, band together with other peers to show that it won't be tolerated. There is strength in numbers. When a group stands up against bullying, it sends a clear message that it has no place in your school. Remember, you have the power to increase or decrease bullying through your reactions. By standing up, speaking out and offering support, you can be a part of the solution. Up, speaking out and offering support, you can be a part of the solution. Together, we can create a culture where respect, kindness and empathy are the norm and where bullying has no place to hide.
Speaker 1:You might think one person can't make a difference, but you absolutely can. Your actions matter. Be the change, be the support someone needs, be the reason bullying stops. And finally, to all the educators out there, first off, thank you so much for what you do. You are on the front lines and your influence matters more than you know. When it comes to bullying, your role is critical. I know you're busy, overwhelmed and managing countless responsibilities.
Speaker 1:It can be tempting to turn a blind eye to subtle behaviors eye rolls, whispered insults, quiet exclusion because they seem small compared to bigger issues, but these small actions are often the roots of something much larger and more harmful. You need to be vigilant, create and enforce a zero tolerance policy for all forms of bullying, no matter how subtle. Think about it. If it were your own child facing these behaviors, would you want someone to step in? Defaulting to kids will be kids. When you see these acts sets the stage for bullying to grow and thrive, don't tolerate it.
Speaker 1:Intervene, speak up and make it clear that respect is not optional. It's the standard. Show every student that you're here to protect and support them and that your school is a place where everyone belongs. So here's some things to think about. Number one set clear expectations and consequences. Make sure students know that bullying is unacceptable and lay out clear, consistent consequences. Why Predictable rules and accountability help create a culture of respect and safety. Number two model respectful behavior. Treat students, colleagues and parents with respect. Why Kids learn from what they see. When they see adults demonstrating respect, it becomes the norm. Research shows that modeling positive behaviors can significantly impact school culture.
Speaker 1:Number three intervene immediately when you see bullying. Step in quickly with calm, clear communication. Why Addressing it on the spot sends a strong message that bullying isn't tolerated and can stop patterns of behavior. Number four create safe reporting systems. Make it easy for students to report bullying, whether it's in person or online. Use anonymous reporting tools, open door policies and regular check-ins. Why Students need to know they'll be heard and supported without fear of judgment. Number five reinforce positive behaviors. Catch students being kind, inclusive or helpful and acknowledge it. Why Reinforcing positive behaviors makes them more likely to continue. Build a culture where respect and kindness are valued and rewarded.
Speaker 1:Number six address online bullying. Teach responsible online behavior and set up systems for reporting and managing cyberbullying. Why Online bullying can be just as harmful, if not more, but proactive measures can limit its impact. And finally, number seven teach conflict resolution skills. Offer tools for students to manage conflicts without aggression. Use role-playing workshops and teach practical de-escalation techniques. Why Giving students the skills to resolve conflicts reduces incidents and empowers them. So let me leave you with this. Bullying doesn't have to define anyone's story. To those being bullied stand strong and know you're not alone. To those doing the bullying you can change and you have the power to be better. To everyone else your actions shape the school environment. Let's choose to support, to stand up and create a world where everyone feels safe, seen and respected. Thank you, let's step up together and make the change we want to see.
